Neurodiversity Week Write up: BONUS STORY
Published: 21 March 2025
Living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is complex in a multitude of ways. My name is Jason. My wife and I are both ASD level 1. I want to take just a moment to say, I don’t mean for this story to be dark and dreary. There are ups and downs to ASD; however, the downs are unfortunately real and inescapable. To go without mentioning them would be a disservice to all of us.
From the time I was a small child I knew something was different about me. My parents denied it, teachers denied it, they said I was just shy and needed to “come out of my shell.” Autism and other neurodiversities are not simply problems to be fixed, they are differences in how our brains function. This denial of my differences unfortunately lead to a life of continual abuse (physical, emotional, and unfortunately other types as well), frustrations, and struggles. Despite this, I continued to move forward and finally at nearly 40 years old I feel quite content with life.
I received my diagnosis when I was 34 years old. It was hard work finding a psychiatric facility that would even diagnose adults. Receiving my diagnosis was the most validating experience of my life. Finally, I had a reason for my differences. I wasn’t just shy, weird, creepy, strange, quiet, annoying, whiny… I was Autistic. Suddenly decades of life experiences all made sense with this newfound context for my behaviors and thought processes. Difficulties in communication, sensory sensitivities, executive dysfunction, stimming… these things were not due to me being a weirdo – they were parts of a very real disability. I was also diagnosed with cPTSD, panic disorder, persistent depressive disorder with extreme anxious distress (early onset), OCD, and Agoraphobia. I spent most of my life struggling with suicidal ideation. Most of the neurodiverse community has a multitude of comorbidities. Some are due to how our brains work, many are unfortunately due to how difficult it is for us to fit into a neurotypical world. Despite these struggles, I’m one of the lucky ones who’s always been able to hold a job. The ability to hyperfocus on minutia and the voracity with which the neurodiverse brain learns were huge boons to my work in the IT industry. I built my first PC when I was in 3rd grade, by fifth grade I was writing my own Linux kernels and custom drivers for hardware. Things would turn around for me in 2022.
I met my wife online in 2001. At the time neither of us knew we were ASD of course, but we formed an instant connection that was unlike any other either of us had ever experienced prior to that. We became best friends extremely quickly. Unfortunately, we lived over 700 miles apart. Despite the distance, we spoke every day, often for hours on end, nearly wearing our keyboards out (phone or PC) chatting. Our struggles were similar, our strengths were similar, it was truly amazing. She is ASD level 1, ADHD, and a plethora of comorbidities. For the sake of brevity and her privacy I will leave out all she went through from 2001-2023. She was in an extremely unfortunate situation involving abuse and difficulties holding a job due to her executive dysfunction and differences in communication. She felt she was going to be eternally trapped. She thought she was broken and would never be able to function away from her then-husband. She had no idea she was neurodiverse and experiencing a life without the support she needed. This would change for her in 2023.
Now this may sound like fluff, talking up the employer I currently work for hoping to gain cookie points or some such. Anyone who knows much about ASD knows we don’t do such things though 😊 Xerox has literally changed the course of my life. When I began my employment with Xerox, I cried on a regular basis. Not tears of sadness or grief, tears of joy and love. The people I work with here are the most kind, accepting, helpful folk I have ever worked with. The ability to work remotely and to put my skills into a job that truly appreciates the output has altered the course of my life in such a positive way that I never thought possible. I thank you all for this. You are a truly wonderful group of people.
Remote work is an incredible boon for neurodiverse folk. It allows us to form our work environment to perfectly suit our sensory struggles. Distractions are able to be minimized and controlled. I could go on and on. For me personally, remote work also meant I could do something I’d never been able to do before… I could go visit my best friend. With previous employers, I used all my PTO for being sick. Most of these illnesses were directly attributed to the stress I faced from being in an office every day. A multitude of these health issues vanished when I began working remotely. This meant that I was able to use my PTO to take a trip to visit my best buddy. I loaded up my Honda Shadow and rode 760 miles. In June of 2023 we saw each other in person for the first time since 2004. I spent a wonderful few days visiting and very quickly realized she too was neurodiverse. In December of 2023 we married. We’ve since had a child and now have 2 wonderful pets, things I previously thought would be eternally out of my grasp. She received her diagnosis within a few months and was able to transition her in-person job to be fully remote. We have our desks right next to each other. Together, we thrive. Both of us are living a shared life that we thought impossible, reaching levels of contentment and joy that were previously simply unfathomable. This life enabled by technology and kind hearted people who are willing to give us and our differences a chance. Being able to be together 24/7 supporting each other grants both of us the energy to enjoy creative hobbies and enjoy experiences that have previously been out of reach.
Life on the spectrum is hard. Brutal, really. Thank you, all you, at Xerox for giving those of us with neurodiversities a chance. It is truly an amazing experience to wake up each day and think “wow, I really like being alive.”
Author is a Xerox Employee
